MILITARY QUIPS:

> On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and
> civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the
> Control tower in the middle. One day the control tower received
> a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
>
> The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
>
> The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
>
> The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference........ If it is
> an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force
> plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
> If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
> is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and
> 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a
> muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a
> red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the
> lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
>
> "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,
> "yours is."
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel
> was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.
>
> Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the
> phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone,
> "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass
> along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your
> good wishes, sir."
>
> Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young
> enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
>
> "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to
> hook up your telephone."
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
> Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
> Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
> "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
> Soldier: "No, SIR!"
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
> A: He'll tell you.
>
> Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
> A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
>
> Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet
> engine?
>
> A: jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
> "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered
> Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy,
> you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and
> pee on my grave."
>
> "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the
> Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane.
> At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
>
> "You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs
> officer asked sarcastically.
>
> The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
>
> "Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport
> ready for inspection"
>
> The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't
> have to show it."
>
> "Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports
> on arrival in France!"
>
> The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look.
> Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at
> Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any Frenchmen
> to show it to."